


Feelings

by XingPanda



Series: Kinder Than Anyone [1]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, these tags are dumb bc sanji isnt a vinsmoke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 12:25:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16576448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XingPanda/pseuds/XingPanda
Summary: Sanji has a nightmare, Zoro tries his best to be comforting.(The first in a series of Sanji-centric post WCI fics.)





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> In this series I'm gonna be ignoring the current events happening in Wano, just cause we don't know how that'll turn out yet. <3
> 
> Also! This first fic is technically part of marimocookweek!

Zoro woke to the sound of a gasp.

He listened with his eye still closed as Sanji slipped his shoes on and quietly walked out the door, closing it softly behind him. This had been happening almost every night since they’d all been back on the Sunny.

On the outside, Sanji had seemed like he’d escaped from Whole Cake Island relatively unscathed but the crew was well aware that some wounds were invisible and took time to heal.

Zoro was still half asleep as he squinted into the darkness of the men’s sleeping quarters. He was a little peeved that Sanji woke him up but he couldn’t find it in himself to blame the guy. They’d all had their fair share of nightmares.

Zoro thought about going back to sleep. Sanji would be fine. He was always fine. But Zoro couldn’t help remembering the look Sanji got on his face every time he saw the name on his bounty poster.

With a sigh, Zoro dragged himself out of his hammock.

 

Sanji wasn’t out on deck but Zoro didn’t think he would be. Dartbrow was predictable. When in doubt, check the kitchen.

Zoro could see a faint glow of light through the porthole as he climbed the steps. He entered the kitchen to find it dark except for light coming from the open fridge. Sanji was rummaging through it. He didn’t stop or turn around when Zoro entered and flicked on the light switch.

“You know where the booze is. Take it and get out,” Sanji said.

“I’m not here to drink, Curly.”

“Oh what, you’re here to talk? At four in the fucking morning?” Sanji moved a couple more things around in the fridge before letting out a frustrated sigh. He closed the door with a little more force than necessary and checked to make sure it was locked.

Zoro raised an eyebrow. “Not hungry?”

“I’m starving,” Sanji said quietly. Then he shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m hungry but I…I can’t eat.”

“Why not?” That didn’t make sense to Zoro. “We’ve got a ton of food.”

“I’d be wasting it. It’s just gonna come back up,” Sanji grimaced as he grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and stuck it between his teeth. “I can’t waste food, you know that.”

Zoro did know that. He also knew Sanji was a bleeding heart who couldn’t let others go hungry. Even if it meant Sanji himself would be. Stupid cook. He had almost no sense self-preservation.

Sanji lit his cigarette and took a long drag. “Why are you here, Marimo?”

Zoro shrugged. He didn't really know why. He was always more of a do things first, think about them later, kind of guy. So Zoro did something he didn’t normally do. He thought about it for a moment.

“Didn’t want you to be alone, I guess.”

“Huh.” That seemed to stump Sanji. His visible eye went wide and he stared at Zoro.

It made the swordsman feel weird. He started to feel warm and adjusted his collar.

“What?” Zoro asked.

“Nothing, sorry. You’re just…really sweet sometimes.” Sanji rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

“I’m sweet all the time,” Zoro dryly stated.

“Must be why Chopper likes you so much.” A corner of Sanji’s mouth turned up in what was probably supposed to be a smile but he just looked so miserable that it didn’t really work.

Zoro suddenly realized that this was the most they’d talked since everything happened. They hadn’t had a chance to be alone like this in a while. Well, there had been opportunities but Sanji was always nowhere to be found. It was actually pretty annoying.

“Did I do something? Like, other than the normal stuff,” Zoro asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been avoiding me so I thought maybe I pissed you off.”

Sanji broke eye contact. “You didn’t piss me off, idiot. I’m just going through some stuff right now.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Zoro rolled his eyes. “But the last time you did this was after Thriller Bark so spill, what’s your problem with me?”

“I don’t have a problem with you. It’s me, okay? It’s a me problem,” Sanji gritted out. “And it’s stupid so don’t even worry about it.”

“Everything out of your mouth is stupid,” Zoro said.

“Oh, fuck you.” Sanji spitefully blew smoke in Zoro’s direction.

“So just tell me. It can’t be worse than your normal garbage.”

Zoro took a step closer to the cook, into Sanji’s personal space. He could see the faint dusting of freckles across the cook’s nose from this close. And his tired blue-grey eyes. The dude needed a full night’s rest.

Sanji seemed to be wrestling with something internally before finally he took his cigarette out of his mouth and said:

“You didn’t come.”

Ah. Right. Zoro hadn’t gone to rescue Sanji. He didn’t think it was that big a deal. Luffy handled it well enough and Zoro wasn’t really one for stealth missions. Besides, Zoro had his own job to do. Protecting the rest of the crew took priority.

Sanji continued before Zoro had a chance to say anything.

“And I know it was the smart thing to do. I know that, and I’m so _angry_ at myself for being upset about it but like...” Sanji let his head drop into the crook of Zoro’s left shoulder. “It hurt my fucking feelings.”

“Oh.”

“Told you it was stupid.”

Zoro didn’t really know what to say. No it’s not? Sorry? He didn’t think Sanji wanted to hear that. He opted to keep his mouth shut. He was a man of action, not words. So despite his brain yelling at him to keep his hands to himself, Zoro carefully placed his left hand at the small of Sanji’s back. Not really holding the other man but just…letting Sanji know that Zoro was there. That he was listening.

“It’s my own damn fault anyway. I’m the one who left,” Sanji said.

“Should’ve just asked us for help.”

Sanji pulled away. “I couldn’t. You don’t know what my fa – the Vinsmokes are like.”

Sanji ran a hand through his hair, grasping at the wavy blond strands like he was seconds away from pulling them out. His cigarette was still clutched in his fingers.

“You don’t think we could beat ‘em?”

“I…that’s not it.” Sanji put his cigarette back in his mouth. “They threatened my old man, and you guys, and –“

“So what? We’re all strong.”

“That’s not the fucking point!”

“Then what is, shit cook?”

“I didn’t want them to hurt you like they hurt me!” The words seemed to rip themselves from his throat.

Zoro was once again taken aback. He hadn’t meant to antagonize Sanji though he now realized that’s probably what he had been doing. It just kind of always...happened. He watched Sanji take in a deep lungful of smoke, eyes closing briefly before breathing it out again.

“Cook –“

“I need some air,” Sanji said suddenly. “I...I can’t breathe in here.”

He hurriedly sidestepped Zoro and opened the door. Zoro followed him outside, not bothering to turn off the light. He stayed a few steps behind Sanji as they made their way onto the deck.

The sky was still dark but it would begin to lighten soon. It was almost time for the rest of the crew to wake up. Except for Brook who was on watch right now. If he strained his ears, Zoro could hear the faint sound of humming from the crow’s nest.

Sanji had reached the bottom of the stairs and stopped to lean against the portside railing. He was almost at the end of his cigarette. The smoke curled lazily upwards as Zoro went to stand beside him.

“The sea’s calm tonight,” Zoro remarked.

Sanji snorted. “That makes one of us.”

“Eh, you’ve been worse.”

Sanji looked at Zoro. A gust of wind blew by, rustling Sanji’s hair. Zoro could just barely see the hint of his other eye beneath all that hair. He wanted to reach out and brush those bangs from the cook’s face. He wouldn’t now. Maybe…maybe later.

“I just thought that part of my life was over. I thought I was free from -” Sanji clenched his teeth around the cigarette. “Shit, I was so stupid.”

He curled into himself like he was bracing against an attack. His hands tightly grasped the railing, turning his knuckles white.

“It’s all such bullshit! I was doing so well, for years, and all it took was being around my shitty birth family for a couple days and I’m worthless again,” Sanji sat down hard on the deck and took another drag. “When I was with them it was like – like I became that scared little kid again, you know? And I know that I’m strong, that’s just a fact but I just…felt so fucking weak.”

The cook’s hands were shaking. Zoro didn’t know what to do. Feelings were never his strong suit. Probably one of the reasons he often found himself at odds with the cook. Sanji was full of feelings and he always let them cloud his judgement. It pissed Zoro off to no end.

This was different though. Zoro might not have known feelings very well but he knew a heck of enough about childhood trauma. Sanji hadn’t told him, or anyone really, the extent of what the Vinsmokes had done to him but whatever it was it must have been bad.

And Sanji was Zoro’s friend, maybe a little more than a friend. Sure, they fought constantly and the stupid cook was literally incapable of doing something that wasn’t annoying to Zoro on a personal level but Zoro knew Sanji would always have his back. They had an unspoken agreement to protect their crew above all else and that included protecting each other.

Sanji finished off his cigarette, threw the butt overboard, and grabbed another one. He had a hard time trying to light it. Zoro looked out into the dark waters and waited. He didn’t know why but it made him feel uncomfortable to see Sanji so out of sorts. It made him feel bad but he was sort of glad he hadn’t gone to Whole Cake Island. From what Chopper had told him, Sanji had had a pretty rough go of it.

“Zoro.”

Sanji almost never called him by name. Zoro looked down to find something he really, _really_ hadn’t been prepared for. Tears.

Zoro sat down next to Sanji and patted him awkwardly on the back.

“It’s okay, Cook,” Zoro gruffly said. “You’re okay.”

Sanji sniffed and roughly wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “Ugh, sorry. I just…I didn’t think I’d make it back.”

“I’m…glad you did.”

Sanji nodded. His lips were pressed together in an effort to cry silently. The unlit cigarette stayed clenched in his fist, forgotten.

Watching Sanji cry was heartbreaking. It was like some unseen force was physically wringing the tears out of him while he tried to stay in control. Small choked gasps escaped his throat despite his best efforts.

Zoro’s hands itched to grab his swords and kill Big Mom and every last Vinsmoke. Instead, he swallowed down his anger and pulled Sanji towards him. He vividly remembered another moment, not unlike this, that the two of them had shared a couple years back. Their roles had been reversed then.

Zoro, roughly clutching the back of Sanji’s suit jacket, as he allowed himself to mourn the death of Merry. He hadn’t been able to cry with the rest of the crew. Not out of some sense of masculinity or anything but just because he was feeling _so much_ that his body almost went numb. Emotions were hard for Zoro. He knew that. Sanji knew that.

So as he sat on the deck with Sanji, two years after that night but what felt like a lifetime later, he wanted to give the cook the same courtesy that had been given to him.

Sanji was almost in Zoro’s lap, his face pressed against the swordsman’s chest. Zoro could feel his shirt getting wet and he couldn’t care less.

They stayed like that for a while, Zoro rubbing slow circles into Sanji’s back as the cook’s muffled sobs turned into measured breathing.

The sky was beginning to lighten when Sanji lifted his head. He rubbed a hand over his eyes before moving off of Zoro to sit close beside him, their shoulders pressed against each other’s.

“I should probably start making breakfast,” Sanji said quietly. “Maybe drink some water too…”

Zoro hm’d. He was very aware of the cook’s closeness. There was something different about it now. Before he was more concerned with the heightened emotions but now they were just…together.

It was casually intimate. Like it was no big deal to sit this close. Zoro wanted to tell Sanji to stay. To keep him here in this moment. With him.

But they all had responsibilities. Sanji was the cook and he took that job seriously. That’s one of the things Zoro admired about him.

Still didn’t stop him from wishing.

Zoro looked at Sanji to find the cook already peering at him from behind his bangs. There was something fragile about his expression, like he was unsure of something.

Zoro realized he was staring and looked away just as Sanji leaned in and gently kissed his cheek.

It lasted maybe half a second. By the time Zoro realized what was happening, the cook’s lips were already gone.

They were soft.

Sanji groaned lightly as he stood up, stretching his back. Zoro reached out and grabbed Sanji’s hand. Damn, another dumb thing done without thinking.

“What?” Sanji asked.

Zoro didn’t know what. He just didn’t want Sanji to leave.

He’d never held the cook’s hand before. It was soft but callused, strong. There were small pale scars on his fingers. It was easy to see all of the work he put into his craft just from seeing his hands. Beautiful in a way.

He brought Sanji’s hand towards him and pressed his lips to the back of it. He held the kiss for a moment before glancing up at Sanji and slowly pulling away.

“Go cook, idiot.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, shithead,” Sanji said without any heat. It was just habit at this point. He smiled as he casually put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the kitchen.

Zoro watched him go.

Maybe next time he’ll be selfish enough to make him stay.

Zoro closed his eyes and settled down to sleep under the sky.

Yeah. Maybe next time.


End file.
